Seeking Him

In the past 24 hours…

Number of doctor’s visits: 2
Number of x-rays: 3
Number of people saying, “OH!” when viewing x-rays: 4
Number of times tears have streamed down my face, uncontrollably: 5
Number of solid answers given: 0

We are still in “wait and see” mode. I have three referrals to a specialist – all of whom I will call tomorrow at first light. Well…not really that early, but during my prep period. The sooner we can get in to see someone, the better. I just want to know what is going on and have a solid answer – good or bad. I hate hearing the surprise and shock in people’s voices when they look at J’s x-rays and see the mass before the film is ever fully in the light. We don’t know what it is…we fear what it is…but we’d like to stop borrowing trouble.

J was playing football with friends before school started yesterday morning. For some reason, they play on the basketball courts. He says it’s because they’re not allowed to play in the grass…but I don’t know how true that is. Anyway, he fell hard onto the court/concrete – his left shoulder broke the fall and bore the brunt of the pressure. He kept an eye on his shoulder – showed me when we got home…and after examining it for quite some time, I had my mom look at it too. Having just the necessary training in first aid, I knew what I was seeing was a bit off. Mama thought so too.

Off we went to Urgent Care – after his drum lessons, of course…simply because the swelling wasn’t going down even with ice and rest. Urgent Care took x-rays as a precaution. They saw a spot on his left shoulder and wanted to take an x-ray of his right for comparison. Good news. That spot shows up in the same area on both shoulders – so that’s just his anatomy.

However, Urgent Care doctor came into the room with J’s film and asked me if J had ever injured his right arm. Uh – no. It’s never been traumatized. He favors his left side – that’s the arm he broke, the side that always breaks falls, etc. When I told the dr. this, he then pulled out J’s film and asked me, “Then what the heck is this?!”

He was pointing to a large spot on J’s right arm, in the elbow area. He called it calcification. J and I call it his panda spot. Anyway, the spot is more than noticeable to the naked eye. You can see it before the film is ever raised to the light. It is that large and that obvious. *insert panic attack here*

He gave me the films and told me to see our primary for another opinion. We were able to get in this evening…and again, as soon as the film came out of the envelope, the doctor was shocked. He refused to give an answer or even a semblance of an answer because he didn’t want to diagnose something he wasn’t sure of. Instead, he’s referred us to an orthopedic guy for a third opinion…and to possibly have MRIs and CTs done for J’s arm.

I know he was trying to pacify my by saying he “thinks” it’s a “bone cyst” – which is “nothing.” But after hearing of J’s continuing struggles with trying to keep weight on (the kid can’t break 90 pounds and hasn’t been able to in over a year – even though he tries!) and pains in his belly…additional thoughts of what could be were percolating. You could see him processing everything…

First step is to get the third set of dr. eyes to look at the film…more testing…and see if any or all of this ties into one another.

I pray we’re able to get in sooner rather than later with the new specialist…and to finally hear a solid answer. There are too many “what ifs” floating around.

Seriously God. Can you please stop testing my strength?! I get it – you want me to lean on you…well buddy, I’m leaning…and leaning hard.


2 thoughts on “In the past 24 hours…”

  1. I heard the mom panic in your voice and got real scared. It sounded very familiar to how I felt when we took Aiden to the ER. I don’t think I listened to a word in your voice mail since all I was thinking was “forget about my question which is so insignificant!” I will say a prayer for you two. Please keep us in the loop, even if it’s a text message. You are the exception to the rule! Love you! SQUEEZE J REALLY HARD FOR ME!!!!

  2. Holy crap!!!!!! Gosh, I was thinking about you today when I sent that text and I didn’t even know what was going on.
    Yes, like Teresa said, please keep us in the loop, text mesage…whatever.
    I will pray, pray, pray.

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