Just a quick little rant…something I realized as I was reading this week. I started Captivating (which I can read from the next county WITHOUT my contacts in, thanks Brandy for the large print – hee hee!), and it’s been an amazing read so far. I feel like – finally – I have permission to acknowledge the conflicting feelings I have within…where I fight with the balance of being strong and independent (due to circumstances, which Icreated) – and being soft and incomplete without a godly man. It’s no secret that I feel incomplete, I talk about it openly – but my struggle has been between is this feeling “okay” to have? Or am I just a silly little girl who can’t live life without a man? So the human in me fights with the godly woman in me.
As I read, I keep waiting for the magic moment to happen. That moment where God breaks me. Just as I prayed for. But guess what?! God doesn’t break you when you’re waiting for it to happen!!!! I keep thinking – is this the moment? Is it happening now?! Just because I prayed for this, and I know God will answer it, I’m seeking the answer in each every little moment of my day. I need to let it go – let go of the expectation of my prayer to be answered – and just live. It will happen on God’s time, when His purpose is most clear, and I need to – NEED TO! – let go of this expectation!!!!