Seeking Him

Cold Shoulder

Brandy was saying that it’s been awhile since I’ve blogged. Truth be told – yes, it has been…and the list of things to blog about continues to build. I have so much going on inside that I need to purge. This may be a busy next couple of days, what with the bleeding out and all…but it’s necessary so I can keep some sort of semblance of sanity (oh how I love alliteration!). I suppose I’ll back it all the way up to the summer, pick up where I left off where I said I was moving on…

At a time when the world should be giving thanks for what we have – and we do have a lot, in abundance…I’m continuing to feel the effects of a lost friendship. I am not going to go into elaborate detail about the night of July 18, 2009. I am left with life-long scars on various parts of my body. And those scars bring back painful memories – not of the attack – but of the lost friendship. I cannot fathom how someone could allow their actions to rule their entire being – to the point of blaming everyone for the event. Everyone but the person truly responsible for the act – herself. I cannot fathom how someone who considered me part of her extended (almost family is what she called me) family just let me walk out the door without a word, without an outstretched hand, without a heartfelt anything to keep me. I don’t understand how the human in her quelled to the demon in her; rolled over and said “okay, you take control” instead of stepping up and leading. How can you have no care, show no mercy or understanding or sympathy for all that you’ve done? And when she finally did crawl out from under her rock to face the reality of her actions, it was only because her mother yelled at her and played the silent treatment. Guilted into making a move.

They say actions speak louder than words – and her actions (or lack thereof) speaks volumes. I’ve told her family that I’m always here, but she has to come to me when she’s ready. I’ve snuck around, read her blog and her facebook, and there still doesn’t seem to be any kind of public declaration of remorse for her actions. Instead she claims she’s “only 24” and that she “doesn’t have to be an adult” just yet. I’m sorry?! But when I was 24, I had a degree from ASU, had a 5 year-old I was parenting alone, a career I was beginning to get a handle on…and I owned a home. So yes, when you’re 24 – you should be an adult. Because if you think there’s a perfect age to be grown-up, that age will pass you by in the blink of an eye and you will forever be a child trapped in an aging body.

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