Seeking Him

Once upon a time…

…there was a girl who thought that she could do it all on her own…that she “knew better” since she had done so many diets, tried various ways to lose weight and keep it off. She used to eat cereal, pasta and rice on the daily; then switched to bran, whole wheat and brown versions, thinking this would help her in her quest to lose weight. She ate Lean Cuisines and Smart Ones for lunch…thinking that because they were “approved” by the “diet plan”, they would help her lose weight; she believed the name meant more than the fact the food was processed.

She never wanted to admit that she needed help; she figured that since she was athletic growing up and never really had a weight problem (other than being TOO thin – when she was younger), she should be able to manage all of this on her own. Yet, her weight continued to climb and fall; she swore to herself that she would never wear clothes that had a 1 in front of the number…and then she swore to herself she would never wear clothes that had an X behind the number…and she continued to make promises to herself…she would never be over 200 pounds…220…240…

She joined gyms, but rarely went because of lack of “time.” She tried working out at home, but never was consistent – again, because of “time.” She had too much to do – a child to raise, a household to maintain, a lifestyle to achieve…so she worked multiple jobs at one time, and was rarely “present” when she was home because of sheer exhaustion. She kept focusing on the outward and not the inward appearances; she maintained a facade to the outside world that didn’t reflect her inner grace.

And then, one day, she “got it.” She felt brave enough to look inside of herself. To fix the damage and pain that was self-inflicted – to stop being afraid of “failing” at another “diet.” She is surrounded by people who love her, unconditionally. People who lift her up when needed – and who aren’t afraid to knock her down a few pegs when needed, too. People who say – take care of you, you are the only person responsible for your happiness, what’s important?

I’m important. My legacy is important. This time I have on earth, this gift, is important. I don’t want to spend my days running around, trying to keep up with some insane expectation that I placed upon myself. I want to pause…enjoy life…smell the roses…appreciate the NOW…

My inner-self is healing. This was the key that was missing in all those quests…there is no such thing as a fat-sucking pill or a miracle diet…there is only learning how to properly fuel the body and daily movement. That’s it.

I’ll admit, it took me time to understand this concept. This adjustment in wording of my internal message has helped this girl go from internally beating herself up and calling herself “fat” (no matter how many cute pseudonyms she came up with for that word, it was still her calling herself “fat”), and being disgusted by what she saw in the mirror – to a girl who carries herself with confidence, who genuinely glows because she nourishing her body from the inside out, and has lost 22 pounds of guilt, shame, and fear in less than 5 months.

Though the loss may be “little” it is great in her eyes, because everyday she wakes up and DECIDES that she will eat clean, workout, and praise God.

She. Is. Happy.

Photo Jun 15, 2 41 26 PM

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