Recovery

Weary

You threatened suicide in a conversation with someone and they called the police, worried about your well-being. When you found out, you yelled and screamed at her and called her horrible names. When the police came, they gave you two options: go voluntarily or go to jail. You chose to go volunarily, all the while planning your way out of treatment in the quickest way possible.

You called this morning, mad at the police for “lying” to you. Mad that you hadn’t got your meds yet. Mad that you hadn’t eaten. You said that this wasn’t the way for you to get help. The only way that will work is YOUR WAY. You made sure I heard that several times during our short conversation. You refuse to let go of control.

YOUR WAY hasn’t been working and it will continue to not work because YOUR WAY is broken. Why do you have to be in control? You say you don’t want to keep living like this, that you want help – but I believe that is all lies. Because if there was any truth behind it, you would be GETTING HELP!

I don’t know what to do any more other than to prepare myself for the phone call that I’ve been praying to God to never receive. The phone call that says you were successful. 

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